A Rant

A Rant :
Okay, I get that you are a devout christian. I get that you are married and even have kids and everything….But dear dear Timmy….There are reasons why everybody thinks that you are

#1 You F*CKING FLAME!!! Jesus H CHRIST!!! Is it even humanly
possible for anyone to flame any F*CKING HARDER?

#2 You work in a “Receiving Department”, you drive a forklift….you should LOOK LIKE IT! Look your pretty little tight fitting Calvin Kleins are going to get dirty as well as a mite bit uncomfortable in the crotch area after a while, if you know I mean. Also…a white T-shirt kind of signals that either A you don’t intend on doing any real work, or B you have severely unrealistic expectations of how clean you are going to get to stay on this job, and no, it ISN’T better than the white Izod!!!

What are those? $150. Reeboks? In white even…Good choice for somebody who pretty much “IS” the entire Receiving  Department for a multi-million dollar factory…they’ll never get dirty out on the docks or the factory floor or anything… You would be better off investing in a pair of steel toed leather boots. There is a reason we all wear them, and it isn’t a fashion statement.

Also, the three stooges can drive a forklift better than you.  Just thought that you should know…seriously it’s not that hard…but stay off of it…seriously…if you come near me on a forklift I will beat you into next week! Take that however you like….

And need I mention the doors? Their size, vast though it is, does have a limit, and while it is quite possible to bring quite large objects
through them, there is often a modicum of talent and skill used in say getting a 24ft long piece of steel through a 20ft wide doorway. Have you never watched me or George the approximately four dozen times that we have shown you how to do it or that you were “supposed” to be watching us and learning?…Taking a “running start” is not it. No matter how many times you try, going at
it “straight on” is not going to work. It didn’t work last week when you tried it, …or the week before…or the week before that…At least my Dachshund learned after the first time trying to bring a stick through the doggy door…And who in their right mind stands a case (54 ct?) of 10ft florescent light bulbs up on a forklift to drive 10ft, through a 8ft tall doorway? How much did THAT one cost you? Or the load of 20ft extruded aluminum pieces that you bent in half trying to get through the door?… The one that was only half open and otherwise would have been 20ft wide fully open, had you taken a second to open the doors? or the rebar that you put through the side of the building? Or the many “no longer round” 20,30, and even 40ft long pieces of pipe that you drop constantly? Or the pallet and a half of transformers that you signed for while only receiving
the half pallet, which you then dropped….after ramming it into the back of the delivery van, …repeatedly…causing, what was it? $1200. worth of damages to the van? ….(and they say nepotism doesn’t exist in this company…HA!) YOU  are the reason that I can’t get a raise!
Okay, next….What is this…3 or 4? ….well whatever…

You were the first guy that I ever actually knew to willingly buy “for himself” one of the, then “New”, VolksWagon  Beetles. ….You picked Lime Green….and kept the baby’s car seat in there, despite your wife having both the baby and a mini van,…a year later you traded it in for another one….it was purple…and I don’t mean a nice dark respectable purple either,….no, I mean like bright F*CKING Easter Violet. A “every young teenaged girl’s fantasy bedroom” color, the same color as my gay friend’s hospital scrubs….the one that said when questioned if a simular car was his, “God No! a purple VW bug, that’s  even too gay for me!”

Are you beginning to figure this out yet?
Also, these guys that you work with…It takes a certain kind of crazy to go 150 ft up on a crane and weld crap  or spend a lazy Florida summer afternoon just hanging out in what amounts to a big, sun baked, painted (trust me, it’s never white) aluminum box, 20+ft off the hot pavement, swapping out and testing light bulbs, as well as chasing that ever elusive electrical short…real fun 150 ft up in the air.  hey btw, did those 10ft bulbs finally come in yet? Because we really need them…

These guys work hard, drink hard and cuss hard, more than once all at the same time….I can tell you a story involving a 24 pack of beer, a set of heavy equipment Master keys and a 4’x8’x20′ pile of dirt blocking the ONLY access onto a job site, along with about 20 Mexican workers who showed up the next morning only to find that one good ole boy and an American built CAT  Backhoe/loader did in about 20 minutes, at 9:30 at night…with a residential area about 50ft away…while drinking a beer…what they had planned on taking ALL day to do.

You can’t tell a guy that just spent the
last two hours laying on his back, on a piece of plywood, setting on TOP of the rails of the crane’s personel cage, welding shit with sparks and hot metal falling all over him (“Jim” told me once after having his shirt catch on fire,  on his chest no less *forest fire?* about 150 ft up in the air, while lying in such a position,  that he had instinctively rolled and that it wasn’t until he was safely in the safety cage and the fire was out that he realized that it was nearly sheer dumb luck that he had rolled the correct direction to wind up in the cage…thereafter he did wear a safety harness and panic strap) 120ft up in the air, …that he can’t say Fuck. He’ll probably just tell you to go FUCK yourself. Nor should you expect him to do your job for you just because
you are incapable and incompetent.
Just asking him means that he will think less of you…and he still won’t do it.
Learn to wear GOOD leather work gloves…Isotoners do not qualify!
I don’t care how good you look in them
it is a fork lift not an Astin Martin and you are not 007.
Realize that sometimes you have to take the gloves off,
And that if you do, you could get dirty or hurt,
Realize that sometimes even the gloves can’t protect you.
I’ve had a sharp burr cut through mule hide gloves like they were tissue paper.
Realize that it is quite possible for you injure or even kill yourself, or more than likely somebody else, in this job. Never trust the hydraulics on your forklift. The instant that you trust them
enough to drive past somebody with a load suspended overhead, is the day that you deserve the title murderer. And BTW that load of sheet metal that you dumped from 10ft up….did you ever
think what that looks like coming at you? It looks like a giant fucking guillotine is what it looks like! I can guarantee you that it is not going to seem any different “with time and perspective”.

Point in fact, I am of the opposite opinion of the one that says  lopping off my head with stray chunks of metal is a good thing. Most people are simularly inclined and may look badly on

simular incidents. The fact that you did it outside of the CEO’s (your uncle) office, is probably not going to help his impression of you, or your future career growth.

To the rest of the company you may be Tim or even Timothy. To us you are Timmy and will continue to be until we can trust you with our lives. Because quite often, that is what the stakes are. Maybe someday you will understand that.

So in summary, #1 quit acting like a stereotypical effeminate homosexual diva. Watch any Nathan Lane movie and then…Don’t Do That! That’s right Virginia, Timone is gay. You are not a Metrosexual, you are an effeminate flamer.
#2 dress for the work that you are supposed to be doing and then actually do it.
#3 grow a pair…no seriously, your Calvins don’t leave much to the imagination…and it looks like you could use a “love offering”.
#4 Learn to drive a forklift! Seriously, how is it that I can take a load of 20ft long extruded aluminum strips from one end of the factory, to the other, and return, in plenty of time to save
your ass by unloading the next load for you, ….a palletized stack of sheet metal, before you bent any more of the extruded aluminum  next to it, than you already had, while removing it from the flatbed truck? You do realize that I stopped to pee and fill up my coffee cup on the way back as well don’t you…but, then, I suppose that extra 30 seconds is how you got into so much trouble.

BTW those bent pieces that you left on the truck, we paid for those because they were supposed to go to another company…and YOU DESTROYED them. Apparently their machines don’t like folded spindled and mutilated aluminum any more than ours do.

I’m pretty sure that your uncle got handed that bill personally…he was decidedly not happy about it, I can tell you that.
#5 Folding, spindling, mutilating, decapitating and in general injuring and or killing your fellow employee is considered to be a bad thing and something that is generally to be avoided. Try not
to do that. Don’t even be doing something that even “looks” dangerous near any of us. Quite honestly, we don’t trust you yet.

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